1. Think About It
Before you talk to your partner about incorporating some kind of alternative sexual practice into your sexual relationship, think it over carefully. Do you want to do it? If you're unsure, try picking up an erotic book or video that features that particular sexual act. If you find it arousing as you're watching or reading it, you may be ready to try it in real life. Don't be frightened or hesitant about discussing your desires with your partner, just make sure you want to go there before you go there; don't open doors you can't close.
2. Talk About It
If you or your partner has been thinking about introducing a new element into your sexual relationship, it's important to talk about before you enact it. Make sure you both want to try the "something new." Talk about what will be involved, how far you will pursue your fantasy, the particulars, and anything else you can think of. If your partner seems interested, even aroused, you are both ready to do it. If your partner is still hesitant or unhappy, you need to talk more before you begin. You might try sharing your erotic film or book with your lover to see if he or she also finds it arousing.
3. Set Boundaries
Once you and your partner have decided to move forward with your fantasy, set a few boundaries. Decide what elements you want to explore and which ones are off-limits. If it helps, make a written list of what you can and cannot do. Needless to say, it's critical that you observe these guidelines. If, during play, you decide you want to go further, make a mental note for next time. Never accelerate or escalate play without discussing it first.
4. Pick a "Safe" Word
With your partner, select a "safe" word, a word that, when uttered by one of you, immediately halts all sexual play. Choose something you aren't likely to say during your play; for example, "tongue" would be a poor safe word, while "celery" would probably work fine. Only speak this word when a boundary is violated or when one of you changes your mind about the direction of the play.
5. Discussion Time
When your play is finished for the night, take a few minutes to talk about what you and your partner just experienced, what worked and what didn't, what you loved and what you hated. This used to be called "pillow talk;" now it's called "discussion time." An excellent time to talk about acceleration, deceleration or escalation of your fantasies, your discussion time is also a good opportunity to reaffirm your connection with one another.
That said, get ready to play! There is absolutely nothing wrong with experimenting with different forms of sexual play, provided both partners are happy about it. In fact, by bringing new elements into your sexual relationship, you are actually improving your relationship and making it healthier.
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